so, i&'ve been wanting to explore how our plurality functions and what being plural means to us, since we've seen very little plural experiences that align with our own. i think this exercise will be helpful in understanding who we are and how we came to be, both for ourselves and for others.
starting with a general introduction, we are aspens. we collectively use any pronouns and identify as transgender, androgyne, futch lesbian, and queer. we tend to avoid specific system labels, but our experiences do align with that of the midcontinuum, median, and mediple systems. we experience BPD and autism as well.
our BPD plays a big role in our plurality, and how we both came to be and currently function as a system. i would argue our plurality came to be as a form of coping with our BPD. even before we knew we were plural, we would explain our BPD as having two seperate thought processes: a "logical" brain and an "emotional" brain. i would often feel like i was experiencing feelings that were not my own, and would "switch" between thought processes and ways of seeing the world. i often didn't feel like myself, and would dissociate frequently. this experience isn't uncommon in those with BPD, but for us it began to manifest as plurality.
much of our memory during this period of our life is obscured due to compounding factors of trauma, overmedication, and extremely poor mental state. we have attempted suicide multiple times in the past, and have experience with severe self-harm and self-destructive behavior. TL;DR: things were really bad throughout our teenage years, so we don't remember them. We do have "parts" that have more memory of this period of our life, but in our daily functioning we don't have much access to those remaining memories.
three years ago, something happened that caused what we can only describe as ego death. everyone in the system was impacted, and we all fundementally changed. i hesitate to go into the details of this event for our own privacy, but it changed the way we interact with the world permenantly. it kickstarted a process of healing and prioriting love, rather than anger and hatred. because this event caused so much change, it's even more difficult to piece together who we were before.
now, with access to better therapy & medication, our BPD is signifigantly more controlled. regardless, it still feels like there are different "parts" with unique thought processes and ways of interpreting and responding to the world. we hesitate to use any specific system labels, but our experiences do align with those of midcontinuum, median, and mediple systems. we have one core/host, and multiple "facets" or "parts" that manifest through the core. each facet is autonomous to a certain extent and can "take control", but this usually doesn't occur unless we are faced with a distressing situation that requires it.
because our system is relatively small, it's fairly easy to describe the exact function of each member. fynn (who is currently writing this), is the core/host and frontrunner. all other facets stem from him, and act through him. aspen can be compared to White Thinking, viewing the world as positively as possible and providing relief from stress and anxiety. aspen often holds feelings of compassion and sympathy, both for individuals the rest of the system holds in high regard and those we don't. AM can be compared to Black Thinking, viewing the world through a lense of distrust and harm, aiming to protect the system from harm through being distant and angry. of course, there are more to each of us than our function, but that's not really the point of this particular writing.
these functions have proven increidbly useful in the past, when we were faced with intense trauma regularly. our functions were a response to our environment, and in order to survive the traumatic environment we did, we adapted. the problem comes in that now, we are no longer being regularly abused, so many of these functions are not particularly helpful in trying to maintain healthy relationships. thankfully, as a result of the previously mentioned ego death and more productive therapy, we have adapted again into functioning as a productive, healthy adult. we are doing well, maintaining multiple social relationships, staying on top of schoolwork, holding down a job, and accomplishing things we simply would not have been able to accomplish had we not changed so fundementally.
so, where does that leave us now? that we are still unsure of. currently, our goals are to start doccumenting more information about ourselves and to start experimenting with headspace. we experience aphantasia, meaning we struggle visualizing things, and are trying to work on doing so. i've previously described headspace as a "black void", but more recently it has taken the form of a stage, with a large curtain i (fynn) can't look behind. we also want to work on having other parts "front" more often, just to express themselves and find use outside of protecting us from harm. aspen cofronts with fynn frequently, but AM is still a work in progress.
so, that's me&! i&'m sure we'll come back to this at some point to expand as things continue to change, but for now this is where we're at.i& continue to wish any readers of this post well, and hope it proved helpful in understanding not just our specific case of plurality, but how plurality can manifest overall.