i have a really hard time with my past. not just the shitty things that happened to me, the shitty things ive done. i have always struggled with the guilt of what ive done, but ive gotten a lot better. my friends remind me that i was just a kid, i was being abused, i wasnt the person i am today, it wasnt my fault while i cry over things that happened while i was barely even functioning (trauma + no diagnosis + overmedication = years of psychosis). its so hard to forgive yourself, but its possible.
now i struggle more with mundane things. things that were embarassing at the time, but really, don't matter. it shouldnt be so distressing to remember when i tripped on the stairs and dropped all my popcorn in the movie theatre. no one else remembers, and im sure they dont look back on it with malice, im sure they dont hate me for it. but my feelings of shame are just so strong that i cant think about anything else (im sure this has a lot to do with my insane anxiety and paranoia surrounding other people irl,,, but thats for another day LOL). i just feel so much about things that, really, i dont need to care about.
whenever i get into these thought loops, i just try to remind myself its okay. it doesnt matter. i dont need to feel so much shame. and its been helping a lot :D i just need to interrupt them enough that they stop repeating, and that typically is enough
ive read up a bit on this kind of thing, and its common with BPD. i'll include some links (both for myself and for others if yall may be experiencing smth similar!)
r/BPD post about overthinking, not many comments but pretty helpful advice either way :P
peer blog for pwBPD, how to manage negative thought loops from someone w/ BPD and OCD
article for pwBP on how to manage obsessive thought loops, not exactly the same but helpful!