this year has gone a lot better than last year, but I still feel really disconnected from my peers here. it's not to the point that i'm spiraling and having paranoid episodes, but i just don't really feel like I belong here.
i feel like i have different goals than most of my peers. I approach class differently, i'm invested and i want to learn. I take my assignments seriously and don't view them as just a grade, i put a lot of thought into them. i'm invested in my education, i love learning, i love analyzing things, and it's frustrating when i feel like i'm the only one in the room who feels that way. the way I want to be educated would go over a lot of people's heads, i suppose.
this campus just isn't really that diverse either, and i don't feel like the people here want to engage with people who are different than them. just a lot of white, cishet jocks who haven't had a deeper conversation about their identity and where they stand in the world. there's a big party culture here despite crack downs, so you get that kind of crowd. it's frustratingly homogynous, and even though there are definately some queer folk around here, i don't know if my home is with them
my gf wants me to transfer to her school, and the people there certainly seem more interesting, but i'm still unsure. I wonder if i just need to go even further away from here to truly feel like i belong. i wonder if there's anywhere I could go where there would be people like me. I really just don't know
regardless, i still enjoy my classes and professors. i'm not nearly as stressed as I was last year. it's really just the people, my peers, that i dislike. i want to keep on trying to find a place here, going to clubs and events to try and find people like me, but I really don't know how well that will work out, or if i'll just get tired of it eventually. my plan was to stay here until I graduate and then go to a better school for post-grad stuff, but I wonder if moving now would make me happier. it remains to be seen, i guess