when asked to describe our gender, we generally use the following words:
we think that these words express our feelings about gender in the most susinct way, while still being accurate. but i want to ramble about it more because i fucking loveeeee talking about our gender. we decided to split this section up into what we think are the most key components of our overall gender, and then we can add some more details that don't fit into these categories later.
wei will preface by saying that when i apply words to myself and our personal identity, that doesn't mean everyone who aligns with those terms feels or identifies the same way. wei firmly believe that personal application of identity labels does not necessarily need to align with greater coloquial definitions, and that not every personal identity needs to be understandable and consumable to the average person, or to every person who shares certain identity labels, for that matter. this is a certified #hottake that i've discoursed about a lot when discussing my own feelings about identity but its something wei feel very strongly about. so don't get all pissy at me, i already know and don't care. start having fun, gdi!!!!
we identify with maleness and femaleness simultaneously, something that a lot of people get confused by, and that we have a lot of weird feelings about. we do experience conflicts between these two identities, but they are things that exist in tandem with each other, as well.. for us, we rediscovered our connection with femininity after starting HRT, so we feel that our femininity is transgender nearly in the same way our masculinity is. wei don't quite feel like a man or a woman, and that calling ourselves one or the other simply cuts off an ample and important part of our identity. we are both in a transgender/nonbinary fashion, thus, we prefer terms like "androgyne" or "transfemasc" in describing this aspect of our gender.
our feelings about transmasculinity and lesbianism are also heavily intertwined. for us, our masculinity feels and is expressed through butchness. we are not a "boy" without also being a "dyke". butchness and transmasculine lesbianism has allowed us to comfortably express our masculinity and femininity through a non-conformative lense, and helps us feel a greater sense of unity regarding our multigendered identity. wei struggled with toxic (trans)masculinity through a good portion of our initial social transition, particularly through transmedicalism. being able to discover alternative forms of masculinity, those that entail kindness and protectiveness and nurturing rather than aggression and physical strength, has been incredibly healing! no longer must we define our masculinity based on our suffering, but rather, through our desire to take care of others and grow as a person.
TLDR; being butch is fucking epic
lastly, but not leastly, wei are doggie. we've kindof always had a deep connection with dogs/wolves/canines, especially growing up around large dogs. they are simply the beast ever and we are so happy to be one of them. i suppose this is less of a gender thing and more of an overall identity thing, but fuck it. dogs don't know about what being a girl means, or a boy, or any of the systematic conflicts in identifying as both at the same time. they're litterally fucking ouppy dogs. and so are wei.
i think a story that kinda exemplifies why this is connected to our transgender identity is this. wei were in a class with around 10 other people, all assumedly cisgender girls. wei were not paying attention as the professor went around asking everyone a question, and when she finally got to us, we asked her to repeat it. she had been asking what people would do if they had a tail. naturally, i said i would wag it. she followed up, asking when i would wag it. i responded that i would wag my tail when i was happy (obviously). she commented that my answer was interesting, that no one else in the class had a positive response to the question, and continued going around the room. my peers responded saying that they wouldn't be able to sit in chairs normally, that they wouldn't be able to sleep on their backs. that they would be socially ostracized and seen as "other"
having a tail would be objectively fucking awesome. its weird that we don't have one anymore (@ evolution, wtf). but i digress. being the only trans person in the room and hearing my peers discuss their fears of being different really struck a chord with me. it really felt like i was the only person who had dealt with that before; the exclusion over something i couldn't change, over myself. in that moment i really felt like my dog-ness and my trans-ness were intertwined. there are a lot of things i find pride in that other people just don't, and could never fathom feeling joy about experiencing. i am the other, not just in a gendered sense, but in a human sense, as well.
kindof a sad way to finish this off but yeah thats it. maybe ill refine this more at a later point but wei've been so fucking sick the past couple weeks its actually rediculous. explore the rest of the site, do whatever u want, be a gender freak. its fucking important!!!! especially for the people that lock themselves away in fear of what others will think. be the change u wanna see in da worl.